BACK IN BUSINESS - The Uber Times
(25 votes, average 4.60 out of 5)
Written by WAR CORRESPONDENT   
Monday, 23 August 2010 12:53

“A dark and depressing cloud looms over us” the CO was ranting while pacing back and forth. I had just arrived in the briefing room and on hearing this I thought there must have been an axis breakthrough but much to my disappointment it quickly became clear that the CO had assembled us in the briefing room to complain about the weather.

Maxios leaned over and whispered to me “You should have been here last week when he saw rain for the first time, he thought it was a new axis weapon and ordered the AA gunners to open fire.”

Indeed there were many things to get used to for soldiers returning after an extended leave. Western Europe’s recent inclement weather being one of them.

There was also an often-amusing new phenomenon dubbed by scientists ‘The rag doll effect’. Now shooting the enemy results in all manner of strange occurrences, the upside being there is now little doubt about whether or not you hit your target.


French architecture remains a mystery.


A small fire broke out in the barracks, it was quickly subdued, but not before panic set in and several people were shot.

As you may have noticed I have been away from the front for some time. I was writing my much anticipated novel ‘Why Soldiers Dream of Robotic Sheep’ which has sadly been censored by the war office until such time that hostilities have ceased and our troops are no longer in danger of reprisals from French farmers. Please readers, no angry letters to the war office you run the risk of a court martial.

So, to re-acquaint myself with the front I linked up with the BKB, who are now back in business after a ghastly episode involving saboteurs. It is stalwarts such as these that make the allies unstoppable, sometimes. You can’t win them all!


Here we can see two brave soldiers charging into a bush. This happens a lot


These Germans were having a picnic. It was delicious.


It may not look like it but I can assure you that these apparently pyjama clad French paratroopers are well into a daring mission.

I have gone out on countless patrols now and despite the tremendous toll this has taken on my under garments I can report that the BKB and indeed the Allies are a force to be reckoned with. In fact we handily won a recent campaign, even though in the later stages the axis put up a fierce resistance, they remain a formidable opponent, as you all know.


Here you can see me delivering a parcel to a German tank crew (I also work for the red cross). I have scratched out the address for security reasons.


I crossed the lines to interview some enemy troops. They didn’t want their faces on camera.


I happened to look out my hotel window and this grisly scene confronted me. I quickly reported this to reception I can assure you.

This campaign is well under way and hopes for another victory were high however our axis opponent has other ideas! Just recently I found myself involved in an assault on Hasselt (not for the first time) and despite maximum effort by our troops a determined axis defence repulsed us. The frustration was evident and even my standing atop a Sherman tank and reading some of my poetry could not lift the spirits of these battered allied troops. Such things are unavoidable at times I’m afraid.


An officer in the Allied high command...Apparently suffering from stress. Thankfully he made a full recovery.


Going over bumps at speed remains hazardous.

Another thing I am alarmed by is the lack of care taken with our FB’s (military slang). In fact there was an occasion when I found myself alone at one of these FB’s when a truck of German soldiers brazenly drove up and charged right at me! I fear that if the sergeant in charge had not been the head of my German fan club and recognised me instantly I would have been shot out of hand. Our generals must take better care of these installations lest this happen to me again. Who knows next time I may be taken prisoner and moral would surely suffer terribly.


Orrman quickly dealt with these enemy aircraft.

Don’t start thinking that moral is low however, far from it readers! These set backs are quickly forgotten and we press onwards. The war continues regardless. We may find ourselves in something of a stalemate but this is just an opportunity to outfox the enemy and break through. We must persevere if we are to achieve this and push through to victory, no easy task, but if we pull together we can do it.

-Wanderer

 

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Comments (14)
1 Monday, 23 August 2010 15:00
ocidean
Maxios leaned over and whispered to me “You should have been here last week when he saw rain for the first time, he thought it was a new axis weapon and ordered the AA gunners to open fire.”

lol, thankyou for this
2 Monday, 23 August 2010 15:22
Hotjoe
hahaha. I was gonna be apart of that FB hotdrop by Wolf1330, until I decided at the last minute to hop out of the laffly and despawn, knowing how hotdrops usually go. One of those divine interventions I guess.
3 Monday, 23 August 2010 15:48
SON of MAC
I'm sure orrman had them ALL right where he wanted them! A nice target rich environment he has there... for a Bofors!!!!
4 Monday, 23 August 2010 17:25
giggadee
o my
5 Monday, 23 August 2010 18:29
noons
True story.

Great read and beautiful pictures. I await your next installment.
6 Monday, 23 August 2010 18:45
Maxios
Outstanding Wanderer, S!
7 Monday, 23 August 2010 19:55
quizno
Nice read! Thanks! :)
8 Monday, 23 August 2010 23:41
doninja
excellent read and stay at a hotel in anice part of town next time :)
9 Tuesday, 24 August 2010 08:48
inteuniso
It wouldn't surprise me if orrman actually did kill every single one of those fighters.
10 Tuesday, 24 August 2010 09:58
Yoshi
I just wantted to let you know I am now on my way to the hospital for a split lung after "Here we can see two brave soldiers charging into a bush. This happens a lot"

Good god, man.
11 Thursday, 26 August 2010 15:44
jaguart
Hilarious! Ty for this!
12 Thursday, 26 August 2010 17:54
wolf1330
... Does anyone need a ride? anywhere...? I swear to drunk I am not God Lucifer!

-Don't drink and drive kids ;)
13 Saturday, 28 August 2010 11:39
timmy41
I bet that was my stug! :(
14 Sunday, 29 August 2010 12:13
Saad Chamekh
cv les gars